Tuesday, February 11, 2014

LIFESTYLE: An Open Letter To My Future Husband

Love is for life. It is a commitment which goes beyond our changeable feeling. Sex and Love are not the same thing even though one may be an expression of the other. While sex is pleasurable, it is for marriage. It is controllable too. I commend the following "Open Letter" to my young friends for serious reflection.


Even though I don't know exactly who you'll be yet, I think of you often. I wonder how you're living your life now. It matters to me you know,  because
how you live you life now determines the kind of man you're becoming... and the kind of man I'll spend the rest of my life with.

Apparently, for some bizarre reason, manhood doesn't come automatically for males. Some guys seem to spend their entire lives trying to "prove their manhood" by hunting, doing sports, driving fast... and unfortunately, by having sex. It seems rather strange to us women that guys think having sex proves manhood. To us, it just shows you've attained puberty. And we do not really consider that, in itself, to be any great accomplishment. Becoming a man is a much more complicated process.

The funny thing is, even in this day in age, most guys want to marry a girl who respects her sexuality. A guy does not like the idea of his future wife in the back-seat with someone else, or of her being the subject of a sexual conquest story in the locker room. They will brag about such girls, but won't marry them. They want to marry a girl, whether she's never "done it" or "done it" and regretted it, who recognizes that sex speaks the language of "forever," committed love... someone like me.

But why would I want to marry someone like that? Someone who wants to marry a virgin, but spends his dating years robbing other girls of their virginity so that he can prove his manhood? He's not a "real man" in my eyes - he's a selfish, immature boy driven by insecurity, not love. And I'm not interested. I want more from you. I want you to respect your sexuality as much as I respect mine.

I want you to be a real, confident man, not a wimp who has to use women to feed his insecurity. A guy like that couldn't use all of those women, and then suddenly love me. He may be "good" in bed, but he's not good at loving. I want you to learn to really love.

Learning to love is learning to put the other first. A guy who messes around outside of marriage isn't putting the good of the other first. He's using a girl... speaking the "body language" of permanent commitment when the relationship isn't permanent. He's putting the girl at risk of pregnancy. and he's putting himself at risk of some nasty diseases... diseases he can later give to his wife. That's not making love. A real man loves women - all women - and wants what's best for them. He doesn't let his desires control his actions. He controls his desires instead.

I want you to develop self-control. That's important to me. I don't want to marry a man who can not control himself. Men like that make lousy husbands. A guy who isn't used to saying "no" to sex isn't going to be any better at 40 than he was at 18. I've seen women who worry every time their husbands hire an attractive secretary. I don't want that. What kind of marriage could I have with someone i can't trust on a business trip?

In the short run, I'm sure there aren't too many rewards for a guy living this way. Society tells you that you are missing out your "sexual peak." Your silence during locker room bragging sessions can seem deafening. You may have even heard from the girls you date that something must be "wrong" with you because you won't take them to bed. Deep down, you must know that having sex does not prove you are a man. it's just irritating that no one else seems to know it, isn't it?

But someone else does know it. I know it. And in the end, I'm the only someone who matters. And no, I'm not as narrow-minded as those guys who say they will only marry virgins. Society isn't too supportive of virginity, especially male virginity. I can forgive mistakes in your past. But I'm interested in your future, starting now. When I meet you, I want you to be a man who has made a conscious decision to wait... out of love for our future family and commitment to marriage. And I want you to be a real man, who's developed the control, maturity and unselfishness that waiting brings.

They may not be popular traits in the locker room, but they're popular with me. They'll make you a better husband, and a better father. To me, that's sexy. I've abstained fro sex all these years, and it hasn't been for the lack of offers. I've had plenty of opportunities, and saying "no" hasn't always been easy. I'm sure it's not always easy for you either. But it will make our marriage so much stronger. Sex will be our gift to each other, our exclusive "language." It will belong to us, not "us and everyone else we ever dated."

Thanks for waiting for me. I promise you won't regret it.

Your wife to be.


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